Things I'm glad I didn't know (My Graduation Situation)

Have I really not written on here since February? Honestly, I understand completely why. I've recently experienced a sudden ending to the hardest and most trying semester of my college career.

And I've come out stronger.

Funny thing is, stronger is one of the words on the vision board that Kels and I made during the first couple weeks of our marriage. I'm SO glad I didn't know what God's method in acheiving this in me would be.

I believe in transparency, so I'll flesh out what happened the best way that I can:

In a Winthrop Internship, you'll have two observations by a supervisor from your University after the middle of the semester; they'll come to the school where you're teaching, sit in the back of your classroom, and give you feedback on what they saw in some semi-private setting afterward. Mine was brutally honest with me when he gave me two unsatisfactory observations, which ended up causing me not to pass my entire internship and hence, not graduate on May 9th as was planned for the past 4 years. I've been on perfect track all along, even despite my adventure semester in New Zealand.

News that I wouldn't be graduating came 3 weeks before I was to walk across the stage. Talk about devastating. But it wasn't. I was overwhelmed by the support of my husband, my family, and those who knew me back home. Some were angry with my superiors at Winthrop and the cooperating school, but almost everyone saw what I couldn't see yet: God was protecting me from something.

Sometime between the second unsatisfactory observation and the news that a May graduation was out of the picture for me, I pressed into my Savior like I had always known to do. Jesus has miraculously saved me from SO many situations in my life that would have caused me damage and used those situations for me to bring Him glory instead. Surely He was just setting me up so He could do it again. Surely.

And I was right.

Only this time He wasn't setting me up for His glory by delivering me from my situation. He delivered me through the situation by enabling me to walk through this trial by fire. Through my pressing into Him, He gave me a dream where I was swimming with whales until I eventually came on shore, where someone came and provided me with the very thing I thought I lacked. Did a little research on what whale dreams mean and came across this. I'll let you check it out yourself:

http://www.whalefacts.org/what-do-whales-mean-in-dreams/

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the site:

Whales usually represent a big event in your life or a strong feeling of solitude.

Some people believe that whales are associated with peace, serenity, spirituality and tranquility.

The appearance of a whale in a dream can signify that everything is or will be o.k. and is often related to spiritual matters of the mind and heart.

Whales tend to appear during times of relevance when you are currently facing an issue in your life.

At times whales may also represent power, leadership and strength.

They symbolize that you can accomplish your goals and have the strength and intuition to overcome the obstacles in your life.

They’re a sign of protection and a signal that you need to relax and stop worrying.

Needless to say, I knew God was trying to send me a message, and I caught His signal. I spent so much time in worship that day that I literally became numb to the situation. I met with the head of the internship program alone and then again with my supervisor, and they were both amazed at my peace. Shocking is the word they used to describe their view of my peace during a time that most students curse them, threaten to quit school altogether, or are steered away from their passion and choose something else due to these leaders discouraging the gifts of these "wannabe" teachers. I stood my ground and took all of their criticism calmly. I gained their respect and when they brought their admiration to me, I got to share my faith with them - right there in the office.

I influenced and inspired them at the same time (two more words on our vision board), and they told me they would be talking about this predicament for years to come. Looks like Jesus had a different plan for how He wanted to use my life for His glory. I had a similar response from my friends, who responded that they could see Jesus all over me in this crazy situation. He was my fourth man in the fire-I'm glad to be in such good company.

Today, I'm looking forward to repeating the internship and graudating in December. I know He has even bigger reasons for changing my life in such a major way, and I can't wait to see what's to come- I"m NEVER bored when I walk with Him! Even as I type I feel no sadness-only joy. It really hurts somedays, but my trust in Him is greater than my pain. Turning down my dream job is counted as gain if it means that the Holy Spirit gets to use my life and protect me from unforseen things at the same time! He. Is. So. Faithful, and I'm so grateful! There's things I'm so glad I didn;t know ahead of time!

I'm now home and enjoying my husband and family for the summer. The seasons in my life and marriage are ever-changing, but our God is not. Hold fast to His steady hand, my friends. He's a master-mind when it comes to creating beautiful art. I gladly offer my Ashes for His glory (pun totally intended) :)

Updates coming as God throws 'em

Ash